This post is brought to you by the number 3, the color black, and the emotion "discouragement". The number 3 for how many times I will have rewritten my prospectus by the end of the weekend, the color black for the color of both my lungs and my heart since I have decided to just give in to evil and be totally disgruntled all the time, and the emotion of discouragement because I am discouraged.
I have been told this week that while I am a smart person and a good writer, I am not doing work at the level of a person serious about this career path. I apparently need to "step it up." There are certain things here that I know I can improve: proofreading and not being such a lazy looker, and trying to work steadily on a project rather in fits and starts which is my norm.
The worst part of this though, is my professors not understanding the points I am trying to make because my prose is so jumbled up and messy. How did this happen? I used to be so much more polished! I also apparently do not understand secondary criticism and struggle terribly with integrating it into my prose. If I read more of it, maybe I'll get better at it.
So here's my plan: I had a good little cry-and-feel-sorry-for-myself day yesterday, and now I'm going to stop being such a disappointment. I don't know if I'm necessarily cut out for this career, but I damn sure am going to give it my best. I am going to make sure that I don't need to go hide somewhere and cry after a meeting again, either. In summation: I am going to work very hard and not become emotionally invested in my ideas. Gah.
I agree with Dr. Christie, that there is no way we can avoid being emotionally tied to our work and ideas. I think it's entirely normal to feel black and discouraged. Michael Chabon said a successful writers needs three things: Luck, Talent, and Discipline. And we only have control over the discipline. He said that about creative writers, but I think it applies to us as well. I do admire your discipline.
ReplyDelete