Editing

I think I might be the only person who is relieved to be in the editing phase of her prospectus. It has been such a long process these past ten months simply trying to nail down what it is I'm writing about. Now, finally, no one is telling me they don't understand my argument or that I don't have a thesis statement or that this has already been done. I find the refining process far simpler than the creating process--further evidence of my lack of pure creativity!

Something I've really been working on in editing is how I use my secondary source material. While on the brink of tears in a meeting with Dr. Dobranski a week and half ago, I finally heard some advice that helped me: analyze the secondary sources as texts in and of themselves instead of merely as criticisms of another text. This information has contributed to my sudden ability to streamline criticism into my prose without incredibly awkward transitions. I'm not professing perfection here, but I feel a vast improvement.

I also tried to take some of my own advice this week. I often suggest to my students that they read their work aloud or else have another person read it to them. I have now taken to calling my mother or the long-suffering Meredith Zaring and reading them my work. My mom, like all too-involved parents, seems happy enough with this job, but Meredith might kill me soon. However, it has helped. Before, when I would proofread silently to myself, I would commonly miss marginal errors, perhaps as a result of my strained eyes skating over mistakes by willing them to be invisible. Now, when I'm reading to an audience, I see all the stray commas and "with the"s that look like "withe"s (That should be a legitimate contraction, by the way). This should prove a handy tool until people get tired of me calling them up late at night to read them really boring academic prose.

There are many more tricks I've added to my paper-writing tool kit this week, but these two have been the greatest of help. And just think, after a week of "family fun," I'll probably have even more (read: the implication here being that I will be so bored by my extended family and their shenanigans that all I will do is schoolwork).

This Week Was Stupid

This post is brought to you by the number 3, the color black, and the emotion "discouragement". The number 3 for how many times I will have rewritten my prospectus by the end of the weekend, the color black for the color of both my lungs and my heart since I have decided to just give in to evil and be totally disgruntled all the time, and the emotion of discouragement because I am discouraged.

I have been told this week that while I am a smart person and a good writer, I am not doing work at the level of a person serious about this career path. I apparently need to "step it up." There are certain things here that I know I can improve: proofreading and not being such a lazy looker, and trying to work steadily on a project rather in fits and starts which is my norm.

The worst part of this though, is my professors not understanding the points I am trying to make because my prose is so jumbled up and messy. How did this happen? I used to be so much more polished! I also apparently do not understand secondary criticism and struggle terribly with integrating it into my prose. If I read more of it, maybe I'll get better at it.

So here's my plan: I had a good little cry-and-feel-sorry-for-myself day yesterday, and now I'm going to stop being such a disappointment. I don't know if I'm necessarily cut out for this career, but I damn sure am going to give it my best. I am going to make sure that I don't need to go hide somewhere and cry after a meeting again, either. In summation: I am going to work very hard and not become emotionally invested in my ideas. Gah.

SAMLA

I went to SAMLA on Friday night and sat through the Milton panel. It was the first conference I've ever been to (other than New Voices), so it was quite illuminating. The first paper was given by an older woman who I assume was a professor somewhere. She spoke about the Miltonic influences on Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, which we have a short unit on later in the semester in my Milton II class. Most pertinent to my research was her split-second mention of "nature as a spiritual force" in Frankenstein. I asked her to expand on that idea and how it connected to Paradise Lost in the question and answer portion at the end, but she was a bit disappointing because she didn't really answer the question. It wasn't really her focus though; she was much more interested in a detailed chronology of Mary Shelley's life and how those events inspired her philosophy in the text--which was not so much about Milton anyway.

Meredith Zaring gave a great talk about Miltonic influences on F. Scott Fitzgerald's Tender is the Night. Particularly interesting to me about Meredith's ideas were Adam and Eve's roles as "beacons in the garden" and "Eve's inexperience with sin." In my last Proseminar class, I heard a good amount about this paper as it is the fodder for Meredith's thesis, and, after hearing it out loud at this conference, I am definitely interested in reading the final product.

I missed the next paper in the panel because I ran over to the Petrarch panel to hear Michelle Golden's talk. I was quite pleased to find myself familiar with the subject matter. My favorite section of the paper was the comparison of Wyatt's "Who so list to hunt" with Petrarch's version and (I believe) Spenser's version. I thought Michelle did as well as Meredith--both very poised and confident while presenting polished, professional work.

I returned to the Milton panel after Michelle because I wanted to ask that aforementioned question, and arrived in time to hear a paper that had nothing to do with Milton by an independent scholar. This paper was supposed to be about Milton's Satan adapted in modern films, but she never established who exactly Milton's Satan is. Instead, it was a paper of about five or six movie reviews. Her talk was about ten minutes longer than everyone else's and totally weird.

After my first experience at a "real" conference, I feel far more confident about submitting my work. I think I could very well have made a fine addition to that panel and I am excited about not being afraid of submitting anymore.